Testing the Impossible

When Fear and Faith Collide


Who am I?  Most people think this is a pretty simple question to answer – and on the surface it is.  But it always makes me think not only about who I am, but how I wish I could answer this question.  OH! to be able to say with absolute honesty and conviction, “I am a woman after God’s own heart; totally sold on following Jesus with utter abandon!”  But the reality is that I am a closing-in-on-40-fast (and I mean lightning fast; by the time most people happen upon this blog page, I will have crested the hill, popped the black balloons, and started stumbling down the other side of that  dreaded milestone birthday), married-for-2o-years suburban housewife and mother to 3 fun, frustrating, sometimes infuriating but always wonderful boys.  I’m not looking for pity;  tho it is often a challenge being the only estrogen-producing human in the house, we’ve all learned how to cope.  None of the four fantastic men in my life are afraid of tears (mine or theirs), and for the most part, they treat mom like the princess she is (ok…  more wishful thinking on my part).

Raised in a Christian home and educated in part in Christian schools, I went through what could be called a fairly typical bout of adolescent rebellion.  I got married at 19, started having kids at 21, and one Sunday morning when I was 23, found myself listening to my 6th grade Sunday school teacher preaching about hell.  And in that moment, I realized that I had a choice to make:  did I really believe what I had professed all my life, or was I simply paying lip service to what I had been taught all my life?  I could probably write an entire article on that struggle alone, but I’ll cut to the obvious here:  that morning, for the first time in my life, I owned my beliefs.  How I would love to tell you that it’s all been “happily ever after” ever since, but if that were the case, I wouldn’t be writing this blog…

So who am I?  I am a human being who fails with great frequency.  But that’s not the end of my story; I am a new creation in Christ.  I am a woman who wants – desperately – to remain faithfully on the narrow path.  The goal of my life is to hear my Lord say, “Well done, My good and faithful servant.  Well done!”


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